TOEFL Writing 公式本 Test 2 part2

添削の続きです。

I disagree with the idea statement that young people enjoy life more than old people. In fact, I believe even the aged can appreciate their lives as much as the young. Here are several reasons why I think so.
First, thanks to the development of aging society While societies in many countries are aging,, we have many comfortable communities for the old even in a big city. For example, some news reported that old people gather together at the game arcade during the daytime and they enjoy playing state-of-the-art arcade games just like a café for adolescents. Although some insist that old people tend to stay at home all day, statistics might surprise you for the fact TOEFL でこんなyouの使い方をしちゃだめ!

there are some statistics showing the fact that
the young have much stronger tendencies of social withdrawal lately in Japan. In contrast, more and more old people become active nowadays and they can find their own cozy places easily for chatting etc.

全体的に以下に訂正
old people in the past ( about 30 years ago ) tended to stay at home, but with all the entertainment available for them today,elderly people today are more likely to enjoy outside activities.On the other hand, an increasing number of young people these days choose to stay home compared with those in the past.


Second, we have good public welfare services and municipal support for the old financially to go to day care facilities. Today professional nurses are good at projecting recreations for the elderly with less physical burden but really fun!

can provide the elderly with entertainments that require little physical strength.

Actually my mother can't wait for visiting to visit day care for the reason many friends at her age help her enjoy many activities. Do you know lately care centers give them opportunities to learn social dances, calligraphy, English with professional teachers at low rates? My mother learns how to use computers there. Care services have roles as culture centers for the old.
Third, societies have a movement to make use of the experiences and knowledges of the elderly. For instance, schools in my town invite the elderly every year and children can learn Japanese folks folklores, how to make traditional toys like Kendama and so on. I always notice the elderly are much more active and relish these lessons because they might feel self-efficiency and realize they’re dedicatinged  to the society.
The Media sometimes focuses too much on dark sides of the aging society too much. However we shouldn't forget that we have a lot of active old people and they can be our great  models for our future .

今日もお疲れ様でございました!

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